“From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.” – Socrates
It has been a week since I have written. I wish that I had some great excuse as to why I haven’t, but the truth is I have just been spending time with my kids. Leia has been out of school for a little over two weeks now. Her and I have been working on the home school curriculum for the next grade level she will be in. Every summer we do this. I get the books, and spend time teaching her. I try to get her to finish before she goes to her dads. Last year was a disaster.
Anakin and I moved across country last April. Because there was only a month and a half left of school we decided she should finish the year at home. So, she stayed with her dad from mid April last year until the last two weeks of July. I missed her so much that the two weeks I had her before school started we just spent the time together.
The problem was that when school started, she struggled. She was in a new state, a new school, and she had done NOTHING over the summer. She was so depressed when she got home she said she was never going back to her dad’s again. What was supposed to be a fun-filled summer, turned into her watching tv inside, and her taking care of her little sister.
I sent things for her to do. Workbooks, books to read, games to play, all things to help challenge her. Except that is all she did other than sitting in front of the TV. When she told me about her summer stuck inside I felt horrible for her. The details were heart wrenching. Anakin and I got in touch with her dad and offered to send her to camps, but he wouldn’t let her even with zero cost to him. The worst part was that her dad worked all summer so she really spent it with her step-mom.
All of this leads into my next confession: I can not stand my daughters step-mother. We talk regularly, we joke, I give her clothes, I purchase things from her business, I compliment her, I say we are family, but it is ALL fake. Every single laugh, every single nice word, all of it.
She is young, right at 21. We all know she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap my ex-husband. She sells sex toys, and wears her name tag everywhere, including to my kid’s school for any event (when we lived at home that is). She dresses like a tramp. She has a disgusting social media site. She is loud, she is obnoxious, and worst of all she thinks she is goods gift to women and men.
She dyed her hair the same color as mine, and started picking up my old hobbies. She is naive to the point of thinking that she is making a difference by putting a homeless alcoholic man in her car with her one year old child, after agreeing to pet sit his dog while he goes to jail. She picks up any stray animal she finds, and because of that they own 13 animals currently in a small two bedroom house.
We have had it out many a time. On more than one occasion she has bad mouthed me to others, and to my face. She has said some pretty awful things. I don’t like the image and life style that she leads in front of my very impressionable child. Leia is at the age where she picks up on everything, and her “cool” step-mom worries the shit out of me.
The reality is Ms. Leslie lets Leia do anything she wants, because she feels that she has everything figured out. She has had the nerve to tell me when I have told Leia no, that I am hindering her independence. Because again, she knows everything.
I try to keep the peace for Leia. I include Ms. Leslie in most big decisions. I reach out to her, and try to remain “friends”. I am friends with her on many social networks, and tag her in most of my posts about Leia. I even send her mother day cards, Christmas presents, and birthday cards. But deep down, I wish she would just go away. I wish they would break up, and we would never have to worry about her ever again. She sets me off at the drop of hat.
She is a mother who feels the need to post half-naked pictures of her self constantly. She has an attitude like she is a “boss bitch”, when she has never even held a real job. The amount of screenshots I have sent to my sister in order to complain or laugh about is unreal.
Even now thinking about her just pisses me off. I would like nothing more than to tell her what a piece of trash I think she is.
And it isn’t just her know it all attitude, the slutty way she dress, or her vanity. It’s the way she treats my kid. One minute Leia is hers. She loves her, wants her around, etc. The next minute Leia isn’t even a part of her life.
There seems to always be “something” going on between my ex and Ms. Leslie. Their life is filled with so much drama.
Back when she got involved with him I tried to tell her. I went to her woman to woman, and told this poor girl that she was wasting her time with a man who was going to cheat, lie, and then ignore her. She was a novelty to him. He was able to take her around to his friends and brag about his young teenage girlfriend. She didn’t listen. So now after all these years, she has finally started to see the man he really is.
So, the two of them have decided that in order to save their relationship she will be allowed to have a girlfriend. Ms. Leslie, my kids “step-mother”, and I quote step-mother because they are not actually married, will have her baby daddy and a girlfriend.
Following her on social media I have found out that since the relationship with the girlfriend is new, she has not been home in over two weeks. She stays with the girlfriend even taking the child, that her and my ex share, with her.
And to be honest I have no idea how to handle this situation. None. I draw a blank. My brain can not even begin to think of how I am going to explain this to my daughter.
I am open-minded. I think same-sex couples should have every right that heterosexual couples do. Luke’s god mother is a lesbian. She was Anakin’s best lady at our wedding. Leia’s uncle is transgender. We are a well-rounded, open-minded household. Leia can date whomever she chooses, and we are perfectly fine with it. But how do I explain to her that her step-mother is with her dad, and with someone else?
This is just new territory for me, and honestly had it been anyone else I would be perfectly happy for them. But it isn’t. It’s her, and for that reason alone I am unable to understand any of it.
I know I will get over it, like I do anything else when it comes to Ms. Leslie. I will laugh about it much like I did when she announced her business of selling sex toys. I am sure that I will explain it to Leia just like I do with everything else that is strange coming from her dad’s house, by telling her when she is older and more able to understand.
I wish I didn’t hate this woman. I really do. I wish that my compliments and kind words were genuine. I wish we were best friends, raising a daughter together.
But we aren’t. Because of who she is, I can hardly be in the same room with her.